I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
