I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
