Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
