Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
