I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
