There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
