A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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