saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
