u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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