my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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