You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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