I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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