If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
