I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
