why didn't you poke me back
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
