Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
