It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
