well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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