Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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