I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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