a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
