Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
