i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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