census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have aggressive nipples.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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