nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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