D3 body, D1 cock
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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