Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
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