tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
