i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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