so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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