Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
