i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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