The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think i got beer on your cat.
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