Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
