It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
