Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he shaved USA in his pubs
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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