absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
