the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
