I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
