sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
