all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
