he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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