There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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