I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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