last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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