its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
