No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
