That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
