is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
