addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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