just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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