I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My penis needs a shock collar
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
