I met the friendliest cop last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
