apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
